Updated: Jan 13
I have a secret.
I have something that makes me feel so vulnerable that I can't bare to share.
I feel like hiding under a rock & keeping it close to my chest.
I literally feel nauseous at the thought of my little secret.
I'm a closed book on a good day, even worse when all eyes are on me.
I've kept it close to my chest for the past 17 months.
I've never felt so vulnerable & I don't like it one bit.
I don't like it. at. all.
This little secret has made me feel:
V U L N E R A B L E
Outside my comfort zone
In the past 17 months I've wanted to:
Fly under the radar
Something else also happened...
I fell head over heels in
L O V E
and it's been scaring the
S H I T
out of me ever since.
What if it doesn't work?
What if I don't really know what I'm doing?
What if I make the same mistakes again?
What if my heart can't take another beating?
What if I'm too broken to start with?
What if I fail again?
What if I fall even further this time round?
What if it's the biggest mistake I ever make?
What if he see's the REAL me and doesn't like it?
What if he leaves me?
What if I leave him?
What if he falls out of love with me?
What if I fall out of love with him?
What if I don't really deserve to be happy?
What if?... What if?... What if?...
What if this is R E A L and I let fear get in the way and miss the whole experience completely.
What if I stop, breathe, listen, become grounded & T R U S T my intuition. Trust my inner voice, my inner knowing and let myself feel vulnerable & fall hopelessly & happily in love with this beautiful man.
For 6 years I let fear run my love life & realised it was a hard habit to break. I kicked & screamed my whole way into this relationship & the only reason we are still together is because he is the most patient man I've ever met. He could see straight through my fear and it didn't deter him one. bit. My children fell in love with him and whilst I was digging my heels in the ground, putting the breaks on, they were gently & patiently pushing me forward, pushing me outside my comfort zone.
After a 5 year platonic distant friendship we fell head over heels in love in a surprising whirl-wind romance & 10 months later moved in together. I rented out my home & the journey began of 'blending' our lives & families.
Has it been hard.... YEP
Have I had my doubts.... YEP
Have I wanted to run home where I know it's safe.... YEP
Have I felt scared shitless.... YEP
Would I ever put myself, my children or someone else's children through something if I didn't know it was exactly right... NOPE
Truth is, for all the fearful things I've felt, I've also never felt happier, more content, more at ease, more hopeful, more love, more acceptance & more growth in the last 17 months than I've ever felt.
Life is short. Fall in Love. Be Love. Let Love in. Go on that holiday. Take that job. Quit that other job. Start your own business. Ring that friend. Go on that coffee date. Show up when you want to hide. Move outside that comfort zone. Trust me. It will be the best thing you ever do.
I DARE YOU.
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Sending bloom-fulls of love,
DARE to blossom. STOP fitting in. START standing out.