Updated: Jan 29
On the eve of my daughter turning 15, I reflect on my younger self and wondered what words of wisdom I'd loved to share with her to perhaps ease her journey through adolescents and life.
This is a letter to my younger self.
My darling girl…
You are perfect.
You have the biggest heart, so big, raw, tender and loving that you will wonder how and why people can be so mean.
You will witness others gossiping, manipulating, lying and playing games of ‘how many people can I get on my side’ in an order to exclude and leave people out.
You will see these people being left out, you will watch them, you will know them and you will understand them, because you yourself are one of them.
You pick up on facial expressions and know when someone is feeling uncomfortable because of their body language and their change of tone in their voice.
You will instinctively know when something is wrong, or something is off. You will feel the energy of everyone around you and some days this will completely exhaust you. It can leave you feeling battered, shaken and thrown around like tumbleweed in the wind.
You will question why you are so sensitive, why do you see what you see, why do you pick up on so much and why don’t others see what you see. You will question everything trying to understand yourself, you will try to be like others and not feel so deeply. You will try to live on the surface and ignore the deepest parts of yourself in an attempt to numb and run away.
Everybody else looks so carefree.
Why do you always go so deep?
You will move away from your soul and ignore your heart because your head can’t comprehend why you are the way you are.
You just want to be like everyone else, you want to live freely, laugh and not get bogged down by the deepest parts of yourself. The parts you are yet to understand.
You will step away from your true authenticity in search for a different ‘you’, and easier you. You will try to fit in with the crowd, compare yourself to your co-workers and peers and always wonder why you constantly fall short.
You will suffer from low self-esteem and confidence while you judge yourself harshly.
Why can’t you be more outgoing, why can’t you slide easily into a conversation with a stranger, and why are you happy with silence.
Why does your whole body tighten when you walk into a room full of strangers which will mean relentless small talk.
Why do you perform at your absolute best when no-one is watching, why do you dislike the spotlight so much. The glaring eyes of everyone on you is like a burning hot stick, it feels like your whole body is on fire and all you want to do is run. You watch others in situations similar and they light up like a Christmas tree, free, bright and full of life.
What’s wrong with you, why can’t you be more like ‘them’.
Why can’t you find the right words to say, why do you find it easier to write your thoughts down.
Why are you so quiet. Is there something wrong with you?
Why don’t you have more hobbies, more friends, more sport, more social interaction.
There’s definitely something wrong with you.
You don’t like violent movies and can’t stand to see anyone being hurt or treated unfairly, humans or animals. Your body feels ill when you see graphic photos or images.
You love silence and your light shines it’s brightest with one-on-one interaction. You crave alone time and will only open your tender heart to a select few who make the cut. You will choose your friends and loved ones with caution, this can be exhausting while you figure out who you can and cannot trust.
School is not always safe. It’s full of people who have your back one minute, then gone the next. You like flying under the radar and avoid putting your hand up to ask questions so you don’t attract attention.
You are not a bully, you don’t participate in gossip and hate seeing anyone excluded or treated unfairly. You are always willing to help out the ‘new’ kid because you don’t like seeing them alone and unsure.
You will have your trust broken by many friendships and wonder why girls can be so mean. It’s not in your nature to play ‘friendship’ games and you wonder why everyone else seems to loves it so much.
You will search and search and search for the meaning of life and why you are here. You will wonder why you’ve chosen the hard road when everyone else seems to be taking the lighter & brighter road.
You will question everything about yourself and others. You will search for self-love and acceptance and finally come to the realisation that it’s an inside job.
You will discover parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. You will find an incredible strength you didn’t know you had, and you will tap into the deepest parts of your soul on your journey back home to your true authentic self.
You will in time uncover your truth.
You will in time discover you hold a very special place in this world and as you begin to embrace your true self, a whole new world opens up.
A world that stops questioning and starts accepting. A world that is so beautiful, so big and so deep that your heart wants to explode with gratitude.
You realise and all the things you thought where ‘wrong’ with you, are actually your gifts.
You cultivate deep friendships, you are loyal, trustworthy, giving and totally accepting.
You can see both sides of the coin, empathy comes naturally to you. You find it easy to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and love to listen. You are warm and caring by nature and your friends confide in you.
You are known for your integrity, you instinctively know right from wrong and anchor yourself in your morals.
You love to help others, it’s in your blood and you can’t move away from it. You gain so much joy from helping others be their best version because you’ve been there. You know the struggle.
You learn to trust your intuition and acknowledge your ‘gut’ feelings.
You learn to stop fighting against the current and start letting go and flowing free with your true authentic self.
You love to express yourself in writing and share your deepest thoughts, this in turn helps others.
You are careful and conscientious, you see the value in looking before you leap and therefore make good decisions.
Because you love to listen you are also a great observer. You are able to read others well and know how to fill in the blanks of what’s not being said. This is your gift and it allows you to help others.
With all the time you have spent alone in thought and reflection, you know yourself very well and love to find ways of peeling back another layer just as you complete the one before. This gives you immense pleasure and satisfaction as it allows you to grow and expand.
This becomes your favourite hobby.
It’s not until your 40’s you learn your brightest lesson when you realise this that is the world of an Introvert and there’s no way you would trade this beautiful gift for anything in the world!
The world needs and mixture of Introverts and Extroverts.
My darling girl, you have permission to stop fitting in, start standing out and living freely.
Quirks and all.
Happy Birthday Baby Doll xox
If you haven't already Liked my Facebook page, head on over here so you can grab your daily dose of inspiration & keep updated with my current Workshops & join our wonderful tribe of like-minded souls.
If it's Coaching you're after, you can head on over to my website 'Permission to Blossom' and check out my Coaching Services and my brand new ROARING Resilience Workshops for girls aged 9-12 years!
Sending bloom-fulls of love,
DARE to blossom. STOP fitting in. START standing out.