My life sucks.
I hear that little voice inside my head constantly giving me advice...
// You should be further ahead
// You should be more successful
// You should be a better Mum
// You should have your finances in order
// You should be eating healthier
// You should be doing more yoga
// You should be meditating every day
// You should be more open to new things
// You should say 'no' more often
// You should be happier
// You should drink more water
// You should have your shit together
It's very loud and clear on what I should be doing and very good at making me feel less than enough.
This week I had a big wake up call and it came in the shape of 'Facebook'. I kindly received a notification that read 'You have memories from 5 years ago today' and showed me a post from 16th March 2011 that I'd written in a state of sheer elation, bewilderment, disbelief and celebration.
It read:
I have just had the BEST day EVER!!! House went on the market Saturday for the first time and had 2 bidders fighting for it.. 4 days later it was sold to the highest bidder! Could not be more happy with the outcome.. :-))
I can still remember that day like yesterday. I was shaking and crying happy tears as I took the phone call from my Real Estate agent telling me our house had sold for $61,000 more than expected.
'Our' house was the family home that I shared with my husband, 2 children, 1 dog & 1 cat. The house that I dreamed of, the house where I was going to live forever, raise our children and create wonderful family memories... until we got a Divorce.
When I look back on that day, Wednesday 16th March 2011, I realise it was the turning point in my life. It was the first time I had ever succeeded at anything on my own. Until that day I had second guessed my every move, my every decision, my every action and every thought. I lacked self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and was so terrified of failing that I never tried anything new or stepped outside of my comfort zone.
Selling our house on. my. own. was so big, so terrifying and gut wrenching as my future and the future I could create for my children loomed in the outcome of that sale. I had used every single last cent I had getting our house looking the best it ever did. I maxed out the only credit card I owned, had literally no money left in any account and took a huge gamble that everything would work out for the best.
I read Louise Hay's book 'You Can Heal Your Life' like a Bible and used her affirmation 'Everything is working out for my highest good and I am safe' to combat any anxiety that tried to take over my whole body. Every night I would lay in bed and repeat 'I fill this house with Love and release it with Love'. I was determined to fill our entire house full of love, warmth & light (especially after the fall out of our divorce). Doing this ritual gave me a sense of peace and calmness that I hadn't previously felt during our separation process.
No-one around me could believe the outcome of our house selling after being on the market for only 4 days and with a windfall of $61,000 higher than expected in a period when the housing market was low & houses weren't selling fast. For the first time I started to believe that I actuallly had a say in my own future and I could determine the outcome of any situation with my attitude and my thoughts.
I backed myself for the very first time in my life and I won.
As I look back on the last 5 years I can see from that moment on my life began to sky-rocket. I chose to believe in myself and believe that I can succeed at anything I put my mind to. I've studied and become a Life Coach, invested in a rental property then sold it (again making a profit & selling it quickly), took my kids to Bali, to America, celebrated my Dad's 60th in Hamilton Island, celebrated my Grandmothers 80th, my son's 13th, my god-daughters Debutante ball, my step-son's wedding, my 40th, bought our new family home, upgraded our car, quit my 'safe' job, started studying Counselling, started up my Life Coaching business out of my friends salon and at the end of 2016 I moved into my very own office at Permission to Blossom HQ and even opened myself up to love again (gulp).
I notice now that in the last 2 years I've allowed myself to slowly fall back into my 'old' ways of not enough, not far enough ahead, should be doing better, blah blah blah and Facebook kindly gave me the wake-up call I needed.
I am so much further ahead than I ever thought I would be 5 years ago.
I've succeeded, backed myself and survived every single time. I've made choices, some good, some not, but every time I've learnt from the experience & that's how you grow. I've raised 2 beautiful children into teenagers (that deserves a medal in itself) and I've continued my journey without ever giving up or giving in.
What I've learnt this week is sometimes you need to take stock and I mean REALLY take stock on just how far you've come and celebrate that you're where your meant to be at this point in time. I believe in divine timing, the universe has a plan far bigger than you or I can see and we all need to be where we are now in order to go where we need to go.
Your job is to keep focused, stay on track, surround yourself with positive people, affirmations & thoughts, practice gratitude on a daily basis and never lose sight that you are enough, right here, right now.
YOU ARE ENOUGH just as you are right now.
Much love,
Angela xox
